I would grade this “essay” a C. I think the educator was incorrect in referring to non-college bound students derogatorily in the introduction. Although he/she completed the three assigned tasks the writing was shoddy in places, with no real conclusion to the essay. The curriculum seemed to also be a long stretch from core English education, and also completely ignored that any classroom would likely have a majority of college-bound students that would have very different educational needs.

Grade:D

Is the person a good candidate for the position? Based on this essay no!

It is common sense when applying for any position you want to put your best foot forward. An essay for a employment purposes should be fine tuned and well oiled. One would expect that an English education candidate would posses fundamental grammar skills, which were seriously lacking. There were a plethora of incomplete sentences and run-ons. One can only wonder about the quality/content the writer would be educating. The basic outline for an essay weren’t followed. 1.) Introductory Paragraph (Motivator/Thesis Sentence) 2.) Body Paragraphs (Topic Sentence and Specific Support Sentences) 3.) The Conclusion Paragraph (Reword Thesis Sentence/Clincher).

I nearly stopped reading this essay when the writer referred to his potential students as “non-college-bound” students. Perhaps that is the nurturer in me, I believe people can do whatever they set their minds to. I feel that this educator has an opportunity to shape minds here and has stymied their potential. A pivotal moment could change the outlook for these students given the right structure. Was the writer referring to “classified students?” or “challenged students?” A framework for continued education is an essential core fundamental for any educator, whether it be validation competencies in a vocational occupation or collegiate courses.

I’m not really sure what the writer’s goals were, are they measurable? The details used to support the strategies to meet those goals were equally weak. One detailed answer would have achieved far more then the circumvented feeble response.

HB,

Judging from my experience in my ed-school master’s program, facility with written English is not a prerequisite for teaching (at least in NYC).

The content is ok, I guess. But the writing is really bad, especially from someone who wants to teach English.

Third graders introduce their essays this way. I would also assume that after however many years in the school of ed of whatever university that the prospective educator could have cited somebody other than themselves regarding the importance of career education to his or her student. If this essay was on the fly, some vague references to something would be nice so that it doesn’t appear that s/he is just making it up as s/he writes. If s/he actually had time to prepare, this would be really bad.

I don’t think the third part of the assignment was addressed…or I missed it. But I was losing focus after the first paragraph.

So I’d say “C” if this is an in class assignment and “D” if not.

Wow, what harsh critics. I wonder if these comments are left by people with too many letters at the end of their names, who are too big for their own academic breeches.

This may not be Shakespeare, but it certainly meets its purpose. I’d call it a solid B.

It’s well-organized and it offers a clear plan of action.

Incidentally, what’s wrong with the phrase, “non-college bound?” No one minds “college bound.” Many students will never go to college, and we certainly need energetic young teachers helping them find a place in a competitive world.

I think I’d find this essay acceptable if it were written under time pressure - for example, as a response to a GRE-type essay question. If it was supposed to be a considered and thoughtful reflection submitted as a part of a job application, then my response would be more critical. Grade: B (if written under time constraints) to C if not.

I understand that the writer was supposed to outline a plan identifying how he or she would develop an expanded ‘career awareness’ and appreciation of the ‘world of work’ among students. While I understand many (most) kids aren’t headed off to college, I do think use of the term ‘limited horizons’ is rather unfortunate and the point should be rephrased.

Much to wordy. As a Manager for 34 years, I would never sit and read all of that. However, many good points were well taken. (C)

The quality of the answer approximated the quality of the question. Ask a potential teacher about “strategies” and “educational goals,” and you’re just about guaranteed to get sentences that are too long, faux-complex wording, and waffle.

I distinctly disagree with HB’s comments: I didn’t see any incomplete or run-on sentences, in a technical sense, although the logic of the sentences did seem regularly to get away on our writer. Also, a good writer has little need for the amateurish five-paragraph essay model. The non-standard approach doesn’t succeed in this case, but I appreciated that an effort was made.

Mrs Purdy wouldn’t “sit and read all of that,” but since she’s an experienced Manager, I’m confident she’s seen this kind of writing before from bright and well-intentioned but poorly trained newcomers. (Am I right, Mrs Purdy?)

In sum, I see this as the writing of an excited and engaged teacher candidate who’s still learning how to control the discipline’s vocabulary and language, rather than being controlled by it. I see reason to hope here.

Grade: B (a solid B)

Thanks for the responses, everyone. You can view Part 2 of my analysis at the following link:

http://www.matthewktabor.com/2007/07/24/please-grade-the-following-essay-part-2/

Please, get the writer a thesaurus! The word choices were repetitive to the point of distraction. The phrase “world of work” appears four times in the first nine sentences.
I found the plethora of contractions distracting in a written piece as well.

But doesn’t “the world of work” sound so pleasant? Sort of like “The Wonderful World of Disney?”

HAHAH, Isn’t this an essay from the ATS-W? And didn’t this get a “strong” review from them? Hmm, I wonder what your thoughts on it are. Lemme go read.

As an English teacher I should probably be more concerned with the writing skill. But, quite frankly, I’m most concerned about this person’s seemingly low expectations for his/her students. I could live with the writing skills (which aren’t the worst I’ve seen from an educator) if the candidate had higher expectations for the students.

You don’t recognize this? This is a young person writing in the way that they have been conditioned to write for educational school professors and those who write and administer the sort of exams they had to take to be certified in the first place.

Get them to sit down with you and see if there is a real human being in there and whether they’re aware of the style of their writing. If they know you expect real writing, not edu-speak, would they appreciate that or know how to react?

I, too, am wondering about the circumstances under which this was written. I’m not fond of the abrupt introduction (and “In this essay” as an opener is deplorable). It doesn’t follow the five-paragraph-essay format, but I really don’t have a problem with that. The second paragraph does seem a little redundant. I didn’t have much problem with the mechanics. I prefer sentences that aren’t quite as long, but that’s just me.

My biggest concern is - what about the college-bound students?! Does this person somehow KNOW that he/she is not going to be teaching them? Career awareness is important for them as well, and the question doesn’t seem to imply the exclusion. Ignoring a significant portion of your student population is enough for me to dock a letter grade.

C+ (though if this was written for a class on teaching students who are not planning on postsecondary education, or something similar, B+)

I just answered 9 CSET history essay questions on Saturday, and was struck by how uninteresting it is to write essays that *must* hit certain points. Thus my first thought was that this is a timed essay. As such, it’s perfectly adequate–I’d give it a B, too.

I see nothing wrong with the phrase non-college-bound, although I’d probably say “students who have no college plans”. I agree they have limited horizons–that, after all, is why they aren’t planning on college.

I hate the work he’s got planned for these kids, but I figure that’s par for the course.

I am currently a lecturer in a dept. of interdisciplinary studies and I have taught English composition at the university level. I read this and realize why most of my students cannot write. Here we have an example of an English teacher who cannot write without creating a sentence that turns into a word salad. I would perhaps have given it a B- or a C if it were from a teacher in a field that is not writing oriented. But for an English teacher, this is an F. And if I were a principal I wouldn’t be caught dead hiring this person. A good writer writes well even under pressure, so pressure is no excuse — not for an English teacher.

To me, it hardly even makes sense to grade the essay (although the opening paragraph is too wordy, vague, and repetitive, yes), because the question is so dumb. I teach middle school Latin — how on earth could I answer a question such as this without making up ridiculous things to shoehorn in? It’s difficult to imagine how I could address the world of work in my curriculum without shortchanging what I am actually supposed to teach, and if I had to do so under time pressure…I shudder to think. Let’s ask the teacher a question that *isn’t* stupid and see how the answer turns out.

Andromeda,

I just wrote a reply to your comment and then deleted it before submitting.

I realized that I could sum it up by saying, “If they asked a better question, they’d have to justify giving out failures.”

Crass but true.

Dr. Camplin,

I agree - there is no excuse for an English teacher to have such a poor command of writing.

When I finally hear back from NYSED, I’ll make the case that there’s even less of an excuse to have such a low bar for certification.

I’ve just stumbled upon this site while searching for answers in dealing with our local ISD.
What struck me in addition to the very poor writing, was the emphasis on allowing the students to determine what they need to learn about a “world of work” that most have never stepped foot in. Seems like asking a five year old what they would like to know about the Roman Empire.
No mention of how to write a resume, communicate in an interview…
My frustration mounts

Delyse,

As does mine - and that’s an understatement.

I’m still waiting for NYSED to get back to me so we can speak about some of the data they sent me.

It’s been about 3 months at this point, and that’s quite a while too long. I’ll see if I can make it happen this week so I can follow up on this post.

I give out C grades like tootsie rolls. This is a C-.

I hope the author fails to find employment as an educator.

too many contractions - i feel a migraine coming on! otherwise, the content is pretty good - above mediocre, anyway - if slightly ramble-esque at times. maybe you will improve with time and practise… if a time constraint was offered with this particular essay, i would most probably offer anything from a high c to a relatively low b. good luck, though!

Wow, Raina - I adore your name, it rolls off the tongue. Very unique - where are you from? And Padalecki is fantastic!! Where are your origins - are you related to Jared at all?
Anyway. Yes. I agree with the critique above - I am an english teacher at high school level, and I obviously have great practise marking essay papers which stray from the task, so to speak! This is the grade of something I would expect at this level. I would say a C, perhaps a very low B at a severe push. May I enquire just where you will be recieving such qualifications? Jennifer H. Walsgrove

thankyou, jenah walsgrove. my mother has a passion for unusual, well strictly speaking, names - my sisters are named aoife, kaienna & zara, and my brothers are named treasean and zaverai. i, myself am from connecticut, but my family reside in iowa - my mother is from south africa and my father is australian. however, i married a texan of polish faternal descent, adopting the unique sounding surname! and yes; he is my husbands first or second cousin, i’m not too sure.
I agree with most, if not all that has been said -work on your technique and you may be alright in an area of supreme shortage, with no humour intended.

Jenah and Raina,

It’s weird that you two seem to have just met in the comments of this post, yet you’re posting from the same IP.

I totally agree with Raina. The contractions were very distracting and made the essay come across as juvenile and informal. I always tell my third grade students to avoid using contractions in their writing, unless they are included as a part of dialogue they have written. I liken contractions to a fast way of speaking, almost slang like. It is as if the writer is in too much of a hurry to spell out proper English. I do not know where I learned this but it was ingrained in m long ago to avoid contractions in formal writing. Repetitive language also kept me from comfortably reading through the essay with out cringing. I would hope he applies to teach math instead.

Also eek!! on starting a sentences with prepositions.

Julie,

I find the contractions unprofessional, but I’m a bit on the fence since a) there are time constraints and b) the manual doesn’t address this. If the test and question were a bit more serious, I think fewer respondents would resort to those shortcuts.

The repetitive language was a serious hurdle to understanding, in my opinion. By the end, I thought, “If I have to read “the world of work” one more time, I’ll scratch my eyes out.”